


Afterwards

by Zig_Zag_F1



Series: You Love Him [6]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Break Up, Crying, Emotional Hurt, M/M, No Fluff, No Sex, Pain, Sad, Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, not much comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 10:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21073571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zig_Zag_F1/pseuds/Zig_Zag_F1
Summary: Max and Daniel are forced to face the truth about their relationship after being together for three years.





	Afterwards

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why but the song You Love Him by Brighten made me want to write things based on each line so here I am. You don't have to listen to the song though, or read the fics in order.
> 
> This is line 12, if anyone cares to know.

_"One too many after three good years_

_All for nothing 'cause of five dollar beer."_

The perfect storm came suddenly, unannounced, but not entirely unexpected. In fact, if either of them had been honest with each other, it had been brewing a long time.

Max was draped face down on the couch when Daniel came in, one hand flung off the sofa and grazing the floor next to a line of empty beer bottles. Daniel sighed as he hung up his jacket and kicked off his shoes. He could see that Max was feigning sleep, but that didn't fool him. After all this time, he could easily tell. He made his way over towards the man slumped on the couch and sat down in the chair next to it.

"Hey Max, what's the occasion?" 

Max pretended not to hear.

"Max, I know you're awake. Don't be like this."

Max sat up, eyes a little bloodshot, or maybe a little red, Daniel couldn't tell which one. "Did you have fun with Charles?" He asked, knocking over some of the bottles on the floor as he moved to a sitting position and faced Daniel.

"Fuck off, I wasn't with Charles. You told me you didn't want me spending so much time with him, so I haven't been." _Hope you're fucking happy, _he didn't say, but it was implied.

Max rolled his eyes and reached under the coffee table to pull another beer out of a case that Daniel just now realized was sitting there. He looked at Max, watching as he pulled his keys out of his pocket and popped the cap off the bottle. It hit the floor somewhere and Max put the bottle to his lips and drank heavily. 

"I don't know how you can stand that cheap crap," Daniel commented, lips recoiling in distaste as he watched Max gulp down more alcohol.

"It does the job," Max replied without emotion.

Daniel tossed his wallet and keys and phone onto the coffee table and propped his feet on it as well. "You've certainly been going hard on the drinking lately," he commented dryly.

"Yeah, and you spend all your time at the gym and in the sim. It's not like I'm the only one avoiding something."

Daniel huffed. "And what am I avoiding exactly, Max?"

"Me."

Daniel shifted his feet on the coffee table and made an effort to deny it, even though he knew it was true. He wasn't ready to admit that, he didn't want to get into another argument, not now, not tonight. "No, it's not like that, it's just--"

"Fucking stop," Max cut him off. "It's time I fucking tell you something."

Daniel swallowed and avoided looking at him. He could here the slight slur in Max's voice, he knew then that he was more drunk than it had appeared, and he sighed. "Max, please."

"This isn't working."

Daniel looked at him then, feeling at once relieved and terrified, shocked and unsurprised. 

"You know it just as much as I do. We've been together three years, Daniel. Three years, but lately I never see you and all you want to do is spend time with _Charles._" Max pronounced the name as if it was a curse.

"Fuck off, it's no better than the way you spend all your free time with Lando," Daniel shot back, knowing exactly where to strike. He watched Max's face as it struggled to react. _Gotcha._

But he was shocked for real when Max answered.

"Yeah I know," he said simply, and then he took another gulp of beer.

Daniel felt his whole world tilting, everything being shaken like a snow globe, nothing being where it should be. He forced himself to look at Max, forced himself to breathe normally. "What do you mean?"

Max shrugged, but the hand the held the bottle was shaking.

Daniel stared at him, waiting for an answer. None came. "Max, what the hell are you talking about?"

Max was drinking again, hand unsteadily holding the bottle up, his throat heaving as he seemed desperate to take in as much as he could. There was silence except for the sound of liquid flowing down his throat. Daniel didn't move.

Max finished the bottle and put it on the floor with the others. He reached under the table for another, but Daniel kicked his hand. "Answer me."

Max sighed and looked at him, and Daniel decided that his eyes were red rimmed from more than just the alcohol. Even so, Max's demeanor was calm, emotionless, distant. "Lando and I just connect really well."

Daniel snorted. "Just connect really well? Fucks sake, Max. The kid adores you."

Max seemed like he would avoid making a reply, but then, very quietly, he answered. "Yes."

Daniel's eyes widened, but somehow, he didn't feel shocked. Max had always been smart enough to know when he was being sought after. "Did you...did he..."

Max shook his head.

"But you...do you want to?"

Max stared at the ground and Daniel felt a sense of falling and not being able to stop himself. 

"Did you and Charles?" He asked, suddenly turning the whole thing on Daniel.

"No."

"But you wanted to, didn't you?" Max's voice was accusatory, pointed, a little triumphant. 

Daniel's mind went to Charles, the way he laughed, the way he smiled, what a fucking tease he was all the time. In his mind he traced the lines of Charles' body, imagining something he had imagined many times. _Yes, of course I want Charles._

"No," he lied boldly.

Max scoffed. "Well, he wants you."

"That's not my fault." Daniel was defensive, he suddenly felt like he'd let this get too far. "And obviously Lando wants you, so what's your point?"

Max reached for another beer, and this time Daniel didn't kick him away. "Yeah. He wants me."

"He told you that?"

Max nodded. Daniel didn't know what to say. He just watched as Max began drinking his next beer. 

"But Lando isn't the only one saying things," Max continued, laughing without humor. "Charles has been making confessions as well, hasn't he?"

Daniel felt anger rising in him at the mocking tone Max used. "So what if he has? I didn't do anything about it."

Max just laughed that humorless chuckle again and took another drink. 

"Which brings us back around," Daniel pushed, unwilling to be caught out. "Did you want something from Lando?"

Max was suddenly more serious, and the hand on the beer bottle started shaking again. He didn't look up, and that, more than anything else, told Daniel the truth.

"You want him," he said, and his voice sounded distant and detached. Right here, in this moment, he couldn't make sense of it, couldn't reconcile the memories of his Max with the one that he'd been living with for the past few months. It wasn't the same. The Max in front of him was a different person, one that he felt no real connection with. 

Max looked at him, and the truth was already out before he spoke. "Daniel...we're not happy. You're not happy. I'm not happy. We've been trying to make this work, but I don't think it can. You can tell me you don't want Charles, but I'm not stupid. I have eyes. I see how you look at him."

Lost for words, Daniel just sat there, mind numb, soul confused, heart aching. For all the ways in which their relationship was failing, he couldn't help looking at Max and missing him already. It didn't matter how much he knew nothing could go back to the way it used to be, there was a part of him that had never been willing to face the thought of letting Max go. _I love you but we're killing each other. I love you but I hate you. I don't want to let go but I don't want to be stuck here._

"Daniel, just admit it."

Daniel covered his face with his hands.

"Fine. I'll admit it first. I've been thinking about trying something with Lando. Just to see what happens," Max slurred. But the way he slurred the words was too much, and Daniel felt the realization hit him before he could blink.

Max wasn't drunk, or at least, he wasn't very drunk. 

Like always, Max was too afraid to admit the things he wanted to admit. So here he was, pretending to be drunk, blaming the admissions he finally let slip on the cheap beer instead of owning up to the way he felt. He'd always needed a crutch, always needed something to get him through the pain of talking about feelings.

_Even the day he said he loved me._

Tears pricked Daniel's eyes behind the cover of his hands and he pushed them down, forcing away the thoughts of the past, forcing away the knowledge that even now he knew Max inside out. He could read him like a book, and some things never changed. Max had never gotten any better at communicating his thoughts than he was when he and Daniel had first starting dating. 

In spite of the fact that he knew it wasn't healthy, Daniel felt a sense of endearment wash over him. _I'll always love you, Max. Maybe not in the same way, but I always will._

The tears threatened his eyes again and again he forced them back, blinking hard before taking his hands away from his face. "Then maybe it's time for us to see other people," Daniel forced himself to say.

Max was tapping the bottle in his hands nervously, and he didn't look up. "Are you sure you want that?"

"Are you?" Daniel asked, unwilling to answer.

Max finally looked up. "I can't keep doing this," he whispered, eyes seeming to grow more red. "I can't."

Daniel nodded, pushing the tears down yet again. He knew they would leak out eventually, but he didn't want them to escape right now. "I know."

"You should go and try things out with Charles," Max went on, still barely above a whisper. "And I'll...try things out with Lando. And maybe both of us will be happy."

Daniel thought of Charles again, and he felt something pulse through him, desire, maybe? But there was guilt as well, guilt because he'd never wanted to hurt Max.

Then again, he wasn't the only one with eyes for someone else. He wasn't the only one with wayward feelings. 

"Okay," Daniel whispered, throat tightening, eyes burning. "I...want you to be happy, Max." _Believe me, I really do._

Max smiled at him, but it was a sad smile, one that covered up the emotions that Daniel suspected were trying to make their way out. 

Without thinking, Daniel stood up and moved over to the couch, sat down beside Max, and reached out for him as he had done a thousand times before. 

Max hesitated, and Daniel almost choked, but he didn't withdraw his arms.

After a second, Max leaned into him, falling against Daniel's shoulder limply and burying his face. Daniel set his chin on Max's head and absentmindedly ran his fingers over his back, up and down, up and down, struggling against the tears that welled up again. Max wrapped his arms around him and Daniel could hold off the tears no longer.

He sobbed quietly, hoping Max wouldn't hear, but knowing that he could feel it anyway. 

He felt Max's shoulders shaking too.

Eventually, Daniel slid Max down until he lay with his head on Daniel's lap, and Max closed his eyes and let Daniel play with his hair while every now and then a rogue tear escaped down his face. Daniel pretended not to notice, and Max pretended not to feel the occasional drop that splashed onto his head.

They both knew it was over, and yet neither wanted to let go. In this moment, there was no anger, no hate. 

Daniel remembered something his mother said once. _Sometimes, even when you love each other, it just doesn't work._

"I'm sorry," he whispered finally, and it felt like the only thing worth saying.

"Me too," Max whispered, reaching up and trailing fingers along Daniel's cheek. 

There was another long silence, punctuated only by their breathing and an occasional leftover sob.

"I could never hate you, you know that, Max," Daniel murmured.

"I know. I could never hate you either," Max answered, eyes still closed tightly, as if to open them would renew the emotions.

"Let's still talk to each other sometimes, please?" Daniel begged, running his fingers through Max's hair. At the moment, he could think of nothing more terrible than never speaking to Max again.

Max nodded.

"Promise?" Daniel asked, hand pausing midway on Max's head.

Max nodded again. 

Daniel's phone on the table began to buzz, and they both turned to look at it. 

The screen lit up.

_Charles._

Daniel made no move to get it, but Max sat up and looked at him. "You should answer it," he whispered, planting a light kiss on Daniel's cheek as he stood up. "You should talk to him."

Daniel looked up at him, but Max just nodded at him, almost encouragingly.

It was then that Daniel noticed Max's own phone was in his hand, and he understood. He picked up his phone from the table and answered it. 

"Hello, mate."

"Hey, you sound like you are upset. Is everything okay?" Charles sounded concerned.

Daniel watched Max lift the phone to his ear and heard him speak into it. "Hey Lando. What are you up to?" Max's face seem to brighten as Lando answered.

He could hear Charles breathing on the other end of the line. "Daniel? You okay?"

He watched as Max crossed the room, heading towards the hall. At the doorway, Max turned and looked at him, and their eyes met one last time before Max turned back around and left the room, footsteps receding. 

Daniel listened as they faded and Max's voice became first distant, then inaudible. 

"Yeah," he said finally, letting out a breath. He wasn't sure why he'd been holding it.

"Yeah," he said again, a little more firmly. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't think that was even remotely good, but I couldn't figure out a way to improve it, so there it is. I'm sorry to bring you more sadness. Seems like that's all I'm good for lately. Yikes.
> 
> Anyway, leave me a comment if you'd like and I'll be back again with more junk later.
> 
> You know the things: It's fictional, don't copy or re-post it anywhere, and for heaven's sake, don't show it to anyone in the real world. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
